Hello my Family My Name is Keith.W=== And I am a grateful recovering addict today !
And here is my Road To Recovery Beside Prison Walls!
My Story.... My Experience , Strength , Hope to you
I'll will start my story by sharing i was nine years old when my life changed with this powerful disease.
I came from a family that had our disease.
My Mom And Dad got in bad fights on Friday nights and sat. Blood every were. Back in my day the laws of this country didn�t keep woman safe. The man got away with beating his wife . I use to hide under my bed and wonder when i was next to get the beatings. My older brother was happy doing his own thing in life. And i lived in fear.
I started to spy on my brother wondering why he was so happy all the time with all the fighting going on in my home. And i found out like any other kid would spying on there brother or sister. When he went to sleep one night i went throw his pants pockets and his coat. And i found sugar cubes. I was wondering what the hell is he eating sugar.
But the color of these sugar cubs were different. Like any other kid I thought he wont miss two of them and i put them in my mouth !! I was nine years old.. As soon as the drug hit me! Which was L S D. I found peace for the first time in my little life i had. I found out i could block every one out and put up them walls we all do and let no one in.
I found out right away were i could get more L S D. And i told no one not even my brother i was using.. And that was my first big secret with my disease i was hiding it. And i didn�t know until years went by.
Secrets kept coming when i started different type of drugs from a nice little kid i became a monster over night.
i became the school yard bully. And this happened in 5th grade. And went on up to high school.
My brother got into marshal arts. Real heavy. He wanted to be a master like Bruce lee. And he took the time to show me and learn the arts. And i got allot of beatings because i was the dummy standing in front of him..
I went to marshal arts school....and got my black belt my first one at the age of 15....You mix drugs with marshal arts and no self control you don�t go very far in life . You go to jail and prison.
It was the 60's and Viet nam was going on. The draft was going on. They would send you your draft number in the mail and you had to join up...in the military. My brother came up and as any good hippy would do he ran to Washington State in calif and would go back and forth across the border.
I knew in my mind heart and soul my number would soon come up but I too were to busy. I was in the desert on one of my dads properties his land ..Making L s D...Well to make this story shot I got busted..
And in the 60's they let you go to prison or join up in the service .The judge asked me which one.
I told the judge I would go in the service... But I had no clue I was going to south vet nam...out of boot camp.
It was the 60's and Viet nam was going on. The draft was going on. They would send you your draft number in the mail and you had to join up...in the military. My brother came up and as any good hippy would do he ran to Washington State in caliph and would go back and forth across the border.
I knew in my mind heart and soul my number would soon come up but I too were to busy. I was in the desert on one of my dads properties his land ..Making L s D...Well to make this story shot I got busted..
And in the 60's they let you go to prison or join up in the service .The judge asked me which one.
I told the judge I would go in the service... But I had no clue I was going to south vet maim...out of boot camp.
It was the 60's and Viet nam was going on. The draft was going on. They would send you your draft number in the mail and you had to join up...in the military. My brother came up and as any good hippy would do he ran to Washington State in caliph and would go back and forth across the border.
I knew in my mind heart and soul my number would soon come up but I too were to busy. I was in the desert on one of my dads properties his land ..Making L s D...Well to make this story shot I got busted..
And in the 60's they let you go to prison or join up in the service .The judge asked me which one.
I told the judge I would go in the service... But I had no clue I was going to south vet maim...out of boot camp.
I stay out on missions about any were between a month to 3 months depending on my target. And there were times I had to hide. And I buried my self in the dirt... the bugs and the sanks were bad over there. But it didn�t Matter I had my drugs with me. I was safe.
That�s were my insanity set in for the first time. I thought my drugs were my Friends And I was safe because I was super man. I did a lot of things in the army that another guy but not of done. Like taking stupid choice in what I was doing on a mission and get my ass killed. But remember my friends were with me my drugs.
I did 3 years over seas and i was nuts before i got out of the army...I came back and we guys were not welcomed home... We came home in shame.. baby killers we were called and my other names.. And i was real sick when i came home. The war had too my soul and my love. And my body was tried .I looked at all my brothers going in the planes in the coffins with the American flag drape over them.. i should of been one of them.. and i didn�t want to come home.. I was sick and sick in tried them. But i ask for no help because i was a man & a soldier.
I got out and went home........Home sweet home..... I don�t think so!!
As time went by i got married and had 7 kids and three wife�s & and i was alone with only my friends the drugs..
I tried a lot of times taking my life...I lived in the alleys of southern calif for 3 years ..My home was a cardboard house. In the streets.. I ate in soup kitchens in churches...and went to salvation army in the dumpsters and found cloths to wear. And at time i ate out of dumpsters.. I did what i had to do to get here sooner or ladder. I was in and out of jails hospitals ...
And then i hit the big time in my life. I hit them prison walls..... I found another type of hell more insanity and i saw more death.
I started to see my friends the drugs showed me only one way out death .... that all i was seeing out there. and inside and beside them prison walls. This time i had no were to run or hide.. I was truly alone inside my head and out. but the insanity of it all i just didn�t go to prison once but i had to go back and visit another one in another state. First one was chino state prison in Cailf. and then in up state ny alburn state prison..
And my end of my insanity begin in alburn state prison in alburm ny. I had hit my last bottom. I was so sick . And sick in tried of my life being a re- run. In and out of jails hospital and prison and trying to kill my self all the Time.
I found out that those drugs were not my friends but they wanted me dead. I had already lived the hell and the insanity the drugs brought me now i had to find a new life with out the friends and the insanity and death.
My home was a 6 by 9 foot cell.... with bugs and rats as your new house pets. We feed them well because they would try to eat us.. And as people know we must grow eyes in the back of our heads in prison and the military to stay alive. We can see thro our head if any one is coming for out back.. to kill us in the prison yard or in any place in the prison. If they don�t like you they will get you. And that was insanity all by its self.
3 years went by real slow. And i didn�t know if id do 8 years or 15 years to go to get out.. I hit 17 police officers . on my last night out.. I was and should of been in a padded room that night... I was using crack and never tried it and i hooked on that first hit of that pipe. And i was drinking moon shine for 3 months and Crack...and i was setting in my room . i was laying in only a room. And i had a old steel bed like grand mom and grand pa had.. and i kept look at that bed and bed frame. So i got a idea another part of our thinking disease is thinking.. I went to wal-mark and Paid for a heavy duty rope...Then i went and got three more gallons of moon shine and more drugs..
I started to see my friends the drugs showed me only one way out was death .... that all i was seeing out there. and inside and beside them prison walls. This time i had no were to run or hide.. I was truly alone inside my head and out. but the insanity of it all i just didn�t go to prison once but i had to go back and visit another one in another state. First one was chino state prison in Cailf. and then in up state ny alburn state prison..
And my end of my insanity began in alburn state prison in alburm ny. I had hit my last bottom. I was so sick . And sick in tried of my life being a re run. In and out of jails hospital and prison and trying to kill my self all the Time.
I found out that those drugs were not my friends but they wanted me dead. I had already lived the hell and the insanity the drugs brought me now i had to find a new life with out the friends and the insanity and death.
My home was a 6 by 9 foot cell.... with bugs and rats as your new house pets. We feed them well because they would try to eat us.. And as people know we must grow eyes in the back of our heads in prison and the military to stay alive. We can see thro our head if any one is coming for out back.. to kill us in the prison yard or in any place in the prison. If they don�t like you they will get you. And that was insanity all by its self.
3 years went by real slow. And i didn�t know if id do 8 years or 15 years to go to get out.. I hit 17 police officers . on my last night out.. I was and should of been in a padded room that night... I was using crack and never tried it and i hooked on that first hit of that pipe. And i was drinking moon shine for 3 months and Crack...and i was setting in my room . i was livening in only a room. And i had a old steel bed like grand mom and grand pa had.. and i kept look at that bed and bed frame. So i got a idea another part of our thinking disease is thinking.. I went to wall-mark and Paid for a heavy rope...Then i went and got three more gallons of moon shine and more drugs..
I was planning my last party on earth.... my death.
See i tried killing my self 28 times in my life over doses...and some thing always happened to me. That saved me. I had to try this last one time to do it right. See what is sad a lot of addicts don�t find us. And i was one that was right were i needed to be at the right time right place. God Stopped me this time and i know that today. Why?
Because after buying that rope i used all my drugs up and then drank my moon shine. And i tied that rope to that old steel bed.. And put the rope around my head set on floor looked that window that i was ready to jump out.......And stop my using for good. My friend was going to kill me after all.... This was Sort to my road to recovery and the rooms... It was 3am .. and i stood up on the bed with the rope around my neck and i jump right out of the window i was on the third floor and some were between the third and second floor god cut my rope in half.. I was alive a miracle Yessssssss...I did know i was in a black out the worse one i every had...
And i didn�t know the fire dept and abundance crew was below my window and the All the police officers around our state was there....I told a friend of mine i had had it i was going to take y life at 3am...and he called for help.. another miracle yesssss.They all were waiting for this too happen ...They had a fire net waiting for me to caught me.. i bounce off the net and ran and out away and went up stairs .....well on the way back in the building a few police officers tried to Stop me. And some war and all that i hit 17 police officers.. They mace me about 8 times and that didn�t work. And i really think god stopped me. I hurt 3 officers real bad. And i dint know what happen until the next day when i came out of my last black out.. They had me in a padded jail cell .. I was tied to the bed .. i was necked with no clothes...no sheets or blanket in fear i would try to kill my self once more....and i woke up .. and a doctor and 4 big cops cam in my cells and asked me a lot of questions i dint know what happened that night. And they had me a 17 page police report in what i had done. nod 17 charges of hitting a police officer..
I knew i was in deep Dog Do Do this time...
And that was the start of my road to recovery , the judge new me well my 7 dwi's and all the other bad things i did...And he keep telling me i had a problem for years.. I had a real bad drug problem and i drank way to much..
It never hit me until he told me i was going to prison for 8 to 15 years.... All those years my disease had blinded me and i had that word they call denial i don�t have a disease and the disease tell me i don�t have this disease.. So i keep relapsing.....That is the insanity of this disease...Saying we don�t have this disease . And we keep fighting it . And we don�t accept we have this disease & surrender too it. And a lot of us addicts die every day. I came to dam lose i know and a lot of us do know today.. How power this disease is... i lost my parents to this disease. I have a brother that i have no clue were he is today from this disease...and i pray he is alive and well. But i let go and let god on his life today .Because i cant ....
I latter found out in my recovery that man my friend who called the police to save me died of our disease.. I to this day miss pattrick..ghg ghg
I surrendered to my disease of addiction on Jan 9 1986......
I went to my first Meeting....
I found my first real friend in that room that night.....And it wasn�t no dam drug either any more ...
It Was A real human being...And that human being became my sponsor!!!!
He Stood in the room. He was about 6 foot 5 He was built like a biker...he was old. But he was happy..
And i heard peace come out of his mouth in his words.
He told his story and what scared the hell out of me he told my story.....He was a ex con too H way a vet rain too like me. He shared his experience strength and hope with us that night with us cons..
And it made me open my eyes to see a man come in prison and be so dam honest in talking with us. It open my eyes a lot...I had them walls to keep people out so long. That this man Broke my walls down. He showed me love for the first time in my life ..he was kind and understanding......He never told me i had to do any thing....He ask me to try ..When he made a suggestion.. He at the time gave me faith and hope....I wanted what he had...I wanted his program....I wanted to talk and walk like he did...And he took my hand and walked me to a new way of liveing..with the basic text and the 12 steps of awe worked on my program until i was set free from prison. But i also found out from my power great then me i was free beside them was ..And i was no longer alone with the drugs ....and in my head full of insanity and death..
Because i found that happiness and peace in side a big big prison....with a 6 foot 5 man carry the message of hope. Of na...
Another miracle yesssssssssssssss....and much more will happen to all of us if we stay another 24 ...
I was blesses with a lot of new friends in na when i got out...My home group here in up state ny.. I call it fishing with my higher power country. Its were I found my higher power in a fishing boat doing the steps with my sponsor.. He fished i did the work....
A year went by. And my sponsor looked at me and he ask Keith how would you feel about going back in to the prisons. And sharing your experience strength and hope and carry this message to other jail birds ex cons like us..
I dint think twice about the question I said yes. And we went and talk to all the people in the courts and the system to see how a ex con could get in. we went back to the judge that sentence me to prison...I made my amends to him at that time and a few police officers were there. They all stood in the court room when I again stood in front of that judge. And told him in what I wish I could do... All the police officers looked like they were going to pass out on the floor. Keith......Has changed omg.......Well another miracle happen they sealed my crime records from calif to ny state.. I was ready to walk once again beside them prison walls...But this time I was really free..
I was blessed meeting men like me. And we shared in the meetings. And along the way I pick up about 17 guys I sponsor today. And I have 19 wonderful guys I work with and I have a couple here in earth group too.
I look at my life and I see that change in me...and how the power of this program and others showed me how this program works by there actions inside the rooms and out. And I found out I had to walk this program work it and give it away 24/7 365 days a year. I have found peace and serenity and my god of my understanding...And today im not hated im loved .. You for gave me god forgave me & I learned to for give me working the steps...and I surrendered and forgave my self from the past.. the steps will guide you and you will find new friends and not the friend of the drug.. you will find peace and happiness you must work for it ....like we did amen......
Thanks for letting me tell my story sorry its long but that�s life & life terms and being around just a few 24 hours too
With lots of na love and the love of this fellowship I�m a grateful recovering Addict today and my name is ...........
Keith.W...
